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13 year old know-it-all, whining on your butt
have i got a summer job for you or what
we're coming in the dead of night
abduct you from your home
you're going to sierra leone -- whee!
here's the village leader that god said for you to cut
here's an AK-47 for ages 5 & up
this powder leaves a bitter taste but sure makes murder fun
now you can get the job done
the village assaulted, your brain has been halted
your peter is salted
no boners on brown-brown
whee!
crying for your mom & dad won't do you no good here
there's only joseph kony & charles taylor to hear
but don't be frightened of the bullets aimed at where you sit
they only turn to water when they hit, i swear
and rest assured there's money made for all your precious time
relief planes full of freedom gold from pat robertson's mine
we're out of food but with this blow it's like you ate
pass the potassium nitrate
your senses are keener, your stomach is meaner
no need for a weiner
no boners on brown-brown
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there's something cooking in the kitchen
of the men you never see
in the dingy labs & the monkey cages where they make the HIV
you've spoken out a time or two against what they believe
this hit is done in god we trust, don't take it personally
100 grand for the prostate, tony blair should know
a million bucks for a liver mass, better watch out tony snow
it's cheaper than a kennedy job & a whole lot more discreet
john edwards' foes are cutting costs
with our special deal on families
cancer gun, cancer gun, from the bowels of the CDC
here's a list of interests, we're sure you will agree
cancer gun, cancer gun, we aim to do you in
your candidacy's been put on hold by a lump under your chin
the 80s were a busy time, getting AIDS off of the ground
& we made some green on the bird flu thing
til china paid us down
even our errors bring in cash, the army buys in bins
it's good for biological weapons so everybody wins
but cancer's been the most profitable of services we provide
we have our code of business ethics
which means we play both sides
we talk with pharmaceutical goons on a secret antidote
the highest bidder controls the polls, the rest go belly up
(chorus)
politically selectable, procedurally impeccable
medically uncorrectable, forensically undetectable
pain that is intractible is legally contractable
ethically unfeasible but financially quite reasonable
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we're sending em in by the seat of the pants
they're going to the desert baby let's dance
we'll watch it from here, don't wanna take a chance
rock the world, rock the world
wish you were here but you're in sadr town
kind of hard to shag there on the dusty ground
other nations whine & say cut it down
fuck the world, rock the world
get the fine champagne, 10,000 kids get maimed
mr. dick lacing up his best dancing shoes to do the
the infidel bop
come & get on the plane & give your wife a last hug
going back to the desert baby cut a rug
no damn way we gonna pull the plug
rock the world, rock the world
we're cutting some costs, hope it's ok
save the money from the armor for the DJ
the oil execs all do the twist & say
fuck the world, rock the world
the desert is fun, like a beach with sand & sun
we can't lose if big business already won, so we do the
the infidel bop
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hello neighbor, we're glad you're here
so long as you ain't hispanic or queer
well we're smiling to your face now & we're baking you a pie
then we're putting up a chain link that's 10 feet high
hello neighbor, we saw you were out of town
so we snuck into your backyard
& took all your buddha statues down
hello neighbor, we're glad you're back
but we're concerned that we noticed your daughter's
boyfriend is black
well we're smiling to your face now & we're waving you goodbye
now that the property taxes are too goddamn high
the property tax is too high
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6. |
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walking in the night, there's something out there in the fog
talking in the night, some inhuman moan
picking up the pace, adidas sinking in the bog
some unholy place, i've got to make it home
time to ask myself what i believe in
when it's my mind & their intention is to dine
i don't think they've got my best intentions in mind
i don't know why they've come for me tonight
i don't know why they've come for me
running through the night
from eyes that peer from shadowed streets
coming for a bite, i'm locking all my doors
now i see the mass, mishapen forms of rotted flesh
coming across the grass, i'm shitting in my drawers
(chorus)
walking in the night, there's something out there in the fog
talking in the night, some inhuman moan
picking up the pace, adidas sinking in the bog
some unholy place, i've got to make it home
(chorus)
night of the braineaters
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7. |
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sit in the back of the classroom getting bored
have to write "thou shall not daydream" on the board
other kids with the kickass bookbags you can't afford
try to talk the girls in home room & get ignored
rocket ship on the launch strip set up
set up in the night wait for break in the sky
tiny figure in the space man get up
get up for the field trip & wave em goodbye
make a straight shot for the bedroom to take a break
mom comes in the ritalin you forgot to take
school calls & your dad is pissed off, you're fucking dead
you did fine on the algebra test but you flunked phys ed
(chorus)
8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
sit in the back of the cubicle getting bored
told your boss you could use some time off & got ignored
productivity is lagging says the memo from the board
tune it out, there's a better way out & it's all aboard
rocket ship for the launch strip set up
set up in the night wait for break in the clouds
get away from this bullshit set up
set up all your gear now you're counting aloud
rocket trip to the milk strip set up
set up there's a break in the clouds in the sky
lifting off in the space man get up
now this is a field trip, wave em goodbye
4 3 2 1
go
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8. |
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i'm going to the quickie mart
i'm standing in the check out line
i saw the for sale sign
i bought it bought it bought it
i saw it on TV
frat boy in the hum V
so schwartzeneggarly
i bought it bought it bought it
now the kids want happy meals
with free refills on the big gulp
they're fat but it shuts them up
i bought it bought it bought it
there's a gasoline price hike
they can charge me what they like
i'm too lazy to bike
i bought it bought it bought it
stuff to make me all that i can be
stuff to make this life a total breeze
i'm happy hanging all my time on a dollar sign
oh stuff to catch the eye of pretty girls
insulate my here in my own little world
i'm happy pouring all my soul down a consumer hole
only for a limited time
offer good while supplies last
this tacky worthless crap is going fast
i better buy it now
there's an internet pop up
help keep my cock up
better get the ole pocketbook
i bought it bought it bought it
anorectic barbie doll airbrushed on the cover of a magazine
has a miracle fat cream
i bought it bought it bought it
(chorus)
but only for a limited time
offer good while supplies last
this tacky worthless shit is going fast
i better buy it now
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woke today with the morning light
could tell that something wasn't right
my baby vanished in the night
I try to call the feds, they don't respond
I drag for bodies in the pond
the tell-tale heart is beating through the floor
I search my place for missing things
the CIA is pulling strings
a $50,000 ransom note is at my door
there's nothing you can be certain of
except that even certain things are things
that never really can be certain anyhow
I'm paranoid, I watch my back
avoiding every sidewalk crack
I wouldn't want to break my mother's back now, ow
thanks a lot for the wrist watch mom
now tell me who you stole it from
and why's it t-t-ticking like a bomb?
I spent an afternoon down at the shore
now my skin's all pink & sore
so I ask the doctor "what is this disease?"
he says it soon should go away
& quickly bids me a good day
which means he's scare to touch me
cuz I'm full of STDs
there's nothing you can be certain of
except that even certain things are things
that never really can be certain anyhow
I'm paranoid, I knock on wood
cuz everything seems fine & good
& that's a perfect sign that something's wrong now
yeah I'm crossing fingers, throwing salt
cuz we are only what we're taught
& that's a perfect sign that something's wrong
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10. |
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i'm going backpacking
back to guam, it's my third time
it's so easy to be a free spirit
when it's not on your dime
while you all slave
at dead end jobs making minimum wage
i'm smoking premium high grade
but one day i'll return
bestow upon you all i've learned
i'll run for office
i understand the common man
i go
he pay
hey bro
jah say
don't worry bout a thing
never trust a trustafarian
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11. |
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i met her at the dance
her beautiful eyes were a wicked disguise
i heard somebody say they thought she wasn't well
old mr. hagan said that he heard she was born in hell
nobody knew where she was from,
when she'd appeared, why she had come
rumor was she was damned, i thought it a yarn
til i saw saw what she'd done behind the barn
close the blinds, lock the door
what was that on the second floor?
screaming out for sheriff mcgee, no one is believing me
light the lamp, climb the stair, someone's in the rocking chair
eyes of fire light the room, ruby lips, smile of doom
is it all just in my head, imagined in my bed
the lingering flicker of the candle when it's gone
i'm pulling up the sheets, find my sanctity beneath
in dreams of demonella
is it all just in my head, the fateful words she said
the dusty fade of photos in the drawer
the nightly pageant moving on with every coming of the dawn
& dreams of demonella fading more & more
was it all just in my head
the neighbors arrived, awakened by the din
but something told me not to let them in
i hollered through the door "everything is fine"
they said "open up", i said "no way, this demon's mine!"
now the voice at the door, sheriff mcgee
he says "you're coming with me" so authoritatively
crouched in the corner, i'm not giving in
the men in white coats with their needles closing in
break the lock, kick the door, what was that on the second floor?
in the parlor up the stair, dancing with my darling there
a smiling ghost of skin & bone twirling in a room alone
& now old mr. hagan talks
of the boy from hell & his wicked waltz
(chorus)
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12. |
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jamie was tired of our shit
& he was just about to quit
i got a call from johnny smoke
he said "i only wanna play one note"
now we all think that rima's cute
but violin's for fucking fruits, yeah
i said "it's time for us to stop
& play some butt rock"
this is some butt rock baby
butt rock, butt rock, butt rock
we know we're never going far
we're playing for beer in a sports bar
so we may as well suck
& we'll work our way up to some covers, oh
butt rock, butt rock, butt rock
we know we'll never book a show
until we play the songs you already know
baby you're here for fun so we best keep it dumb
so you don't go home
butt rock, butt rock, butt rock
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there's something swirling in the water
round the feet you cannot see
in the dingy swells & the murky cesspools
where they flush the DDT
there's something out there very glad
the ocean's up a few degrees
we came down here to take it easy
no, but took on some unease, & left with some disease
well they're calling in the coast guard in the hazmat suits
& the DHEC waders with the masks & the steel toe boots
the EPA & Greenpeace both on the scene
it's a CERCLA-funded beach party quarantine
& we all sing
fungus beach, surfs up dude from the fungus deep
the benzene gas in the fungus breeze is passed
but the rash is yours to keep
fungus beach, a toxic leech
my groovy tan's all scrabbed & peeled
the luau pig's got a worm about this big
but stephen johnson's lips are sealed
on fungus beach
let's surf the bay in Minimata & snorkel in Prince William Sound
do the limbo in Toyama, a lover's swim in Love Canal
a million CFUs per mil, Atlantic stew, serve it brown
just keep it out of the local papers, you know, just for now
philip cooney he knows how
well they've killed all the fish off & the dolphins too
it's open niche for the thing from Creepshow 2
from the people who said that the 9/11 air was clean
"you're totally fine, never mind a little blistering
let me hear ya sing"
fungus beach, hanging ten in a toxic breach
this superfund is like totally super fun
& the rash is ours to keep
fungus beach, too deep to reach
we're sinking down in faceless muck
the ocean's soul is this species' toilet bowl
& now it's backing up
on fungus beach
i wish they all could be Goiania girls
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These obnoxious nerd punk songs grew out of playing in a super fun Dead Milkmen tribute band (The Deceased Lactate Product Delivery Personnel-- check YouTube for live vids, one is at 1 million+ views) from '06-07. Featuring equal parts Dead Milkmen cynicism, Dead Kennedys paranoia, Misfits comic book horror, Man Or Astromen surf, NOFX nyuks & Camper Van Beethoven fiddling courtesy of a lady I'd later marry, this demo spawned a punk band of the same name (with Rima, Jamie Gillespie, & John Lucas) who played around the Southeast regularly from '07-08 & eventually re-recording most of these songs as a band.
