johnny was a kid from the bronx with the gift of song
bought a second hand 7-string
cuz he heard bryan adams wrong
he played it fast, he played it so damn hard
he started telling his friends he gon' be a star

but his songs were long & chords were so complex
& every time he played
the little girls looked so perplexed
it wasn't much to dance to
& they couldn't really sing along
until a man with a record deal
told him what he was doing wrong

he said "there's something here
but it's lost under all your skill
drop the excess
give america a little thrill

you gotta sing
the song of self-righteous unoriginality
to the chagrin of your craft
in the name of popularity
you'll have a car & a yacht & a house in the city
& the honor of being another whore for industry"

so he made some changes
he cut his long black hair
he wrote a song about nothing
threw in a cliche hear & there

used a 4 chord pattern & no fancy stops or starts
he shot a hi tech video
& started climbing up the fucking charts
come on & climb it baby

(emotional whistling)

but one night back stage
just before it was time to play
he thought he heard frank zappa
& raymond scott rolling in their graves

but still he started to sing
the song of self-righteous unoriginality yeah
he went triple platinum & took home a grammy yeah
& he had a car & a yacht but he still wasn't happy
now it's solo time but yo it's gotta be catchy

(catchy solo)

now let's see, hmm
you can do a photo shoot with justin
& a love duet with britney yeah
& have a country cross-over
with some slide steel on track 3 yeah
we'll have a version in spanish
& a dance mix in germany yeah
but bob rock wants higher
better take it to another key

ewww, that was a pretty fucked change
all the pre teens are raising hell
& that curse just cost you a spot on TRL

hey-- you can't change from 4 to 6
it won't work for the techno remix
we're in C, you can't play E flat 6, eww
now johnny why'd ya have to get us into this fix?
you're fired
that's right fired

you can't fire me, I quit